Letter to my 16 year old self

I want to do a "to my 16 year old self" post too! Even though I am technically only 19....

So.. here goes!

To my 16 year old self. You are now at a turning point of your life, having just finished high school, with pretty good results. The choice to make now is whether to study IB, or A'levels. You foolishly picked A'levels, not because of the merits of that path, but because you shallowly thought that the school was nicer and prettier, and because the uniform was cute.

Who would had known that it was such a cliche school so not worth the price? How would you know that you would pick up so many bad habits during that period of time? Don't worry too much about what university course to take, and what subjects you took in A'levels, because it wouldn't matter, as you will soon see. Studying the science stream does not tie you down into doing science courses, and you will find yourself studying an art course, and I will leave you to find out what that is in the future.

My sixteen year old self, you had just got out of a possessive relationship, and is ready to move on after a few months. So you did. When you are seventeen, you  will meet a guy, and fall in love quickly with his smart wits and sweet words. How would you have known that he was a cheat and going to break your heart soon after? You were young, and in love, and had no regards to your education at all.

How would you have known that what you chose at that point of time will result in you not being able to do the best you can, and getting less than satisfactory results at the end of that long A'level course? You would learn to know that people are not to be trusted so easily, and this lesson will take you a long time to learn, due to the lack of closure, it will take approximately a year, and even then, memories will remain painful.

If I could go back in time to tell my 16 year old self something, it would be to just move on, and learn what are the priorities in life - education. It's so not worth it to suffer for someone like that. In 2 years' time, you will find yourself in a completely new place - Manchester.

The start of university, in a completely different country far away from the comfort zone you grew up in, where lectures aren't compulsory. Two terms later, you will find myself in my position right now, cramming for examinations and paying for the lost hours of lecture due to pure laziness.

If you had picked up better study habits then, maybe I wouldn't be in this difficult position right now, but how were you supposed to know that what you do then will affect so drastically how I am now? You are only 16, and had your heart broken, but I also wished that you had learn to love yourself more then. Take better care of yourself, and I want you to know that whatever you do to hide the hurt from the broken relationship, you are not at fault.

You will soon grow up to realize that, there are much more important things in life - such as your parents who nurtured you and loved you since young, no matter what mistakes you make. The siblings that are your blood no matter how much you fight with them and argue with them. You will soon realize how much you miss their company. You should have learnt to appreciate them more, instead of being all alone 3 years later in a foreign country missing them.

Dear 16 year old self, you were so skinny! In a few years' time, you will turn into a fat bitch, so please don't laugh at fat people and discriminate against them. You too will have the day when you start growing horizontally too.

Despite the mistakes you will make, I am also proud of you, my sixteen year old self, for learning to pick yourself up from the fall. Do you know that you will soon enjoy swimming, and complete your piano level that you thought you never will? You don't have to worry too much about it, you'll be fine, I guarantee it :)

So, 16 year old self, you have made me become who I am today, and I am happy to have you, no matter what. All I want you to do now is to learn to love more, judge less and smile more :)

EQ = 0

Just read this article. I am disturbed, not by the man, but more of by myself. While reading through the article, I realised that no amount of sympathy on the woman has been brewed in me. 

Instead, in my head, thoughts of whether or not the man had a defence against what he'd done was swimming around. Was he substantially impaired, or does he has an abnormality of mental functioning?

I've been told that I'm realistic, but this is really too much. This is called having zero EQ. What is going on, seriously? I hope that it's the coincidence that I am studying homicide that is making me feel this way. I am not cold blooded, nor do I wish to be, I just wish I could instil some pity or sympathy towards things like this.

On the other end of the spectrum... I get angry over things like brutal killings of animals (slaughterhouses), but not over this one single issue of innocent killing of a HUMAN LIFE. I don't know how to start comprehending my thoughts now. Confused. 

It's so complicated. I wonder how things are gonna work themselves out.. hmmmmm...

Written in the stars

So there is a new astrological sign, and I am no longer a gemini, and am now a taurus. WTF. So all the personality of a gemini should not be rightfully mine is it?

It may sound damn weird but I kinda believe in horoscopes. It's one of those little enjoyments in life, where you see what might happen today, and leave fate to the hands of someone else ( even though that someone else may just be a robot and everything on the screen could be just a computer generated response. )

I am a sucker for these sort of things. Tarot, palm reading, and the works. I don't even know why I am like that. An escape from the harsh realities of life, most likely.

You're my ice cream

Mushroom with thyme, chicken kiev stuffed with ham and cheese, and veggie + oyster sauce + fried onions for dinner tonight

with nai cha 

Simple pleasures in life during the hectic exam period. FOOD. My last few enjoyments before diet plan + gym season starts. I need to do a whole lot of things before febuary comes round. Like check out a tour group for my parents/grandparents.

I will love it for them to visit, yet hate it at the same time, cause I will have to do and prepare so many things like book apartments and shits, and because I am so damn lazy. Grr.

Abrupt ending to this post because I cannot post pictures and I really don't have anything to say at all.

and it comes back to haunt me;

It's another one of those gray gloomy days here, where everything is just dreary and makes you want to sleep. Exam season now, right up to Febuary, where chinese new year will kick in, with no red packets, food, and no new clothes for me. :(

A bit depressing really, my train of thought, but then again that's just the way life as a student is and should be. I don't know why, but when I look at myself now, I see a completely different girl than that of what I want to be in my head. It just seems like my control over my habits, emotions, and everything else doesn't exist.

Maybe I lack self-control, or maybe it is something else, that is vital to achieving this harmony that I want in my life. Actually, it is more emotions than anything else. I find myself constantly thinking back to the times we spent, the things that we did, and whatever bond it is that we shared, or at least that of which I felt.

Saddens me to see how much have changed, in such a short span of time. All those promises you made, the future we created. I remember not wanting to have hopes in one, but you insisted, broke down every wall there was, took my heart away and broke it into a million pieces a short while later.

I had a lot of doubts from the very beginning, as does everyone else, but I foolishly chose to trust, and this decision is one that I do not regret, despite the amount of unspeakable grief that it caused me. It taught me a lesson, a big one, and most importantly, it taught me to love, and to know that what you love may not be good for you.

Even now, I can still feel something stirring inside me everytime I look at pictures of you, though I rarely admit it. Every single time. It bothers me how you can move on so quickly and recover so damn easily, when it is still hurting me. Is this supposed to be the way life works? If so, then it just isn't fair.

The last time I had an exam, you were there to ruin it for me, requiring my constant attention and pampering, and now that you're not there to bother me, I don't know why I still can't focus on something so important and necessary to the foundations of a career so much - a degree.

I am so confused right now. The constant insomnia doesn't help at all, and this kind of closure is not what I need, because it is all lies. I don't know what I need or want now, but I do know that if you choose to be, you can still be it.

Hey soul sister.

Been studying everyday lately to make up for the party times. :( Exams on the 19th till the 24th. 3 insane modules. Spending everyday in the library sucks. Sometimes it gets so frustrating that I just wanna jump out of the window and die.

Like today. Beside our study room was this room filled with malay/indian pharmacist chicks. I've got nothing against the race, but even when we have knocked on their door requesting them to be quiet, they REFUSE, saying they have a right to make noise.

This is a library lah. Take your childish noisy indian slang-ed discussion elsewhere man. SO ANNOYING.

Also bought groceries so I may start cooking at home and save some money! Been spending quite a bit eating out everyday. Have to be good girl and start cooking my own stuff now, but I honestly only cook when I got feel lo.. so it's still instant food everyday. 

Searching up pictures from my facebook to post hehehehe. So basically anyone who's my fb friend can skip below photos of food from all over.

korean food - bibimbap + crispy salmon sushi + miso + kimchi

part 1 of many dimsums

supper activities - ice cream and loud music

yummy swarovski dotted moet! :P

home cooked stuff - salmon w herbs + mayo, and ceasar salad

seafood carbonara

breakfast of bagel, beans, eggs and bacon

xmas dinner with turkey, bread and butter, parsnip, potato salad and cranberry sauce

bolognese  pasta + rocket

new year eve clubbing in birmingham, moet night!

jump shot for chicks in barcelona 

christmas house party/clubbing in manchester

getting ready to go clubbing in spain, at 3am wtf!

before watching fc barcelona game donning on jerseys

this scary looking ride in winterwonderland which I conquered with the girlies below!

cutiepie and babygirl in london waiting for tube

with anne in law lectures wasting our time camwhoring

some random home jagerbomb night! ended up with us not sleeping after that :S

another birmingham trip, taken outside bullring!

k2 night with the cute manchie peoples!

and a k2 night like a month later again with our bosworth guest HEHEHEHHEE

1/1/2011, clubbing night!

End of photo diarrhea cause I have nothing to type out here. Here are some pictures stolen from my tagged photos huahuahuahua. Okay. Am going to eat another carton of yoghurt, get fat, shower, and sleep!